Living in My Mind

For most of my life, I lived entirely in my head. As an executive leader, technology engineer, and entrepreneur, I was always solving problems, convinced that if I stopped for even a moment, I would fall behind. My focus was on becoming a billionaire.

I was a married Christian with no time for anyone outside of my family or work. I believed in God, but I had no real embodiment of spirituality and no direct metaphysical experience. My life revolved around achievement, control, and discipline, and I was closed to anything beyond that framework. Without realizing it, I was living in a hell of my own making, unaware of the bliss that was available.

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The Awakening That Changed Everything

One night, around 1 a.m., I was jolted awake by a voice.
It was slow, steady, and unlike anything I had ever heard before. It told me to get up and move slowly. In that moment, my mind went completely blank except for this voice. It was nothing like the familiar chatter of my ego. It felt deeper, wiser, and unmistakably present.

For the next twelve days, this voice guided me. I shifted my diet, walked the streets of Southern California, prayed with strangers, and experienced uncanny moments of knowing. I was told who I would meet and what would happen before it did. I was raptured into a bliss of healing and metaphysical experience more real than anything I had ever known.

The voice told me to resign as CEO of the internet service company I co-founded and to create a new social enterprise called Beyond Reason. This would be a heart-centered business development company focused on serving organizations within a network dedicated to unity consciousness and sustainability. It would promote a collaborative lifestyle where people can live, create, and play together.

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The Collapse and the Voice Within

Those twelve days of pure stillness ended abruptly. I was locked out of my company, and my marriage began to dissolve as we no longer shared the same belief system.

In that rupture, decades of repressed emotion surged to the surface. I realized I had been living in my mind to avoid feeling, compartmentalizing everything so I could work harder and longer.

My mind grew noisy again, crowded with anxious chatter. I could not even sit at a computer without panic. Yet beneath it all, the quiet voice was still there, distinct from the noise. It guided me to focus on the spaciousness between my thoughts, and each time I remembered, I felt a moment of relief as I focused on the silence. Over and over, I practiced quieting the mind, learning to recognize the difference between the constant mental noise and the calm presence of that guiding voice.

The guiding voice told me to stop chasing achievement and focus on healing. So I let go of my need to produce and turned inward. Alongside my mindfulness practice, I moved my body a lot! I walked, ran, practiced yoga, and meditated my way through the dark night of the soul. This deep inward journey lasted nearly two years.

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Anchoring Stillness and Discovering the Body

After what felt like an endless storm, the waters finally began to calm. My mind anchored into stillness again, able to rest in a space with no words, only pure presence, just as it had during the twelve-day spiritual awakening. In that quiet, I opened to a deep receptivity and awakened feminine qualities I had long suppressed. This stillness drew me back into my body, into peace, and into a living relationship with my own felt experience.

Guided by the voice, I found a loving community that introduced me to ecstatic dance and polyamory. I had never experienced this depth of platonic intimacy, nor imagined the possibility of loving multiple partners. Yet I felt an undeniable pull, even without understanding how it could work. It marked the beginning of my new intimate journey, and my surrender of control.

That surrender opened the door to emotional alchemy. I began to witness the grief, fear, and shame repressed in my body that had been shaping how I moved through life. Instead of gripping them, I learned to breathe into them, feel them fully, and let them dissolve. In their place grew spaciousness, trust, and a new freedom to love without the old defenses.

I immersed myself in embodiment and deep intimate connections. I discovered that living from inspiration rather than control or the need to prove myself created room for an entirely new way of being, one rooted in presence, authenticity, and the kind of love that is both liberating and abundant.

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Meeting My Partners and Building the Method

Through this exploration, I met Sky O’Connor at an embodiment workshop I was offering. From the moment we spoke, there was an undeniable connection. We made a conscious commitment to love each other while holding the freedom to connect intimately with others, an agreement rooted in trust even as we were still learning how to navigate it.

I began supporting her in her women’s empowerment coaching business, and together we stepped into a shared journey of shadow work, guided by intuition and illuminated by my engineering mind, which began noticing energetic patterns in our experiences. Without realizing it, this was the early foundation of what would later become the PolyTantric Method.

Three months later, I met Alisa Marie, an embodiment coach, yoga teacher, singer, and natural leader. I felt passionate love for her instantly. For Sky, this was challenging, and I did not yet have the emotional awareness to fully support her through the feelings it brought up. At that time, Sky and I recognized that a sexual relationship was not in alignment, though we remained open to the possibility of it developing in the future. Alisa and Sky naturally formed an emotional connection rooted in platonic intimacy, a bond that supported us in navigating those emotions. We often share affection, cuddling and nuzzling in ways that nurture safety and closeness while honoring each of our natural boundaries.

Together, we began exploring our own expression of polyamory, understanding that sharing love and intimacy does not necessarily mean sexuality with all parties involved. We began using it as a spiritual practice, where love could be shared with more than one person, trust could deepen through honesty, and emotional alchemy became the foundation for working through whatever arose. This practice expanded our awareness of the mental and emotional patterns that limited our capacity for pleasure and expression, opening the door to greater peace, freedom, and purpose.

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Expanding the Circle

A year later, we met Hannah Jo through an online yoga business I had helped Alisa create. When she visited us in Santa Barbara from the Bay Area, the attraction between us was undeniable. We began a three-way sexual relationship that quickly evolved into a deep alchemical journey, and in time, we all moved in together.

To meet their desires, I was guided into semen retention and edging practices. At first, it was challenging, yet my still mind and ability to stay present allowed me to quickly learn how to circulate my energy, experience orgasm without ejaculation, and give them as much pleasure as they desired.

The light side of this journey was expansion, intimacy, and deep connection. It also came with equal challenges as we moved through intense emotional releases such as jealousy, fear of abandonment, rage, and grief.

We created a shared framework: reclaiming innocence, expanding love, releasing control, and being radically truthful about our emotions. This was the fertile ground where the PolyTantric Method took root and began to grow.

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From Lifestyle to Business

We decided to turn this practice into a business called The Studio X, creating a safe container where my partners could connect intimately with clients in a transformative way and share the magical method we had been living in our personal lives. Every session took place within clear boundaries and ethical guidelines, ensuring the work was both safe and lawful. After each session, we processed the experience together, releasing emotions and uncovering deeper truths.

I moved into supporting the three female coaches, joining sessions when needed for shadow work or intimacy breakthroughs.

Through this process, my feminine channel began downloading understandings of tantra, Taoist principles, and more. I studied transpersonal psychology, somatics, quantum physics, biogeometry, and other disciplines, weaving them into the PolyTantric Method.

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The Development of Flowga and the Light Body

During this time, I began developing what I call Flowga, an intuitive movement practice that weaves together principles from tai chi, tantra, and yoga, with inspiration from other martial arts disciplines. Flowga became an integral part of the PolyTantric Method and a vital tool for transmuting and clearing energy within our collective field.

This practice was essential for integrating and releasing the energetic imprint we took on in sessions. For two to three hours a day, I moved in a state of flowing meditation, guided by breath, sensation, and the subtle currents of energy moving through me. My body followed intuition rather than memorized sequences, each motion a response to what was ready to be released or expanded.

As the practice deepened, my awareness sharpened. I could feel where tension still lived in my body, where energy needed to circulate, and where joy wanted to expand. The more I moved, the more bliss opened in me, a bliss not dependent on circumstances, but born from the harmony of mind, body, and spirit in motion. Flowga kept me clear, grounded, and fully present, able to see empowerment and spiritual meaning in every experience, no matter how intense.

It still keeps me this way today, as I continue a two to three hour daily practice that sustains my clarity, presence, and connection.

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What I Learned

I discovered that seeking “the one” is often just a way of seeking the parts of ourselves we have not yet claimed. Wholeness is not given by another, it is remembered within, and from that remembrance, love is no longer bound by fear, possession, or the need to be enough.

When love is freed from conditions, every relationship becomes a mirror for expansion, every emotion becomes a doorway to deeper truth, and even the most challenging moments become alchemy. Whether we choose sexual exclusivity or a web of multiple connections, what matters is that love moves in alignment with truth and choice, not control.

The PolyTantric Method grew from this realization. It is a path for dissolving separation, expanding love, and awakening the body, mind, and spirit into their highest expression. It is a living framework for creating relationships, communities, and lives that reflect the abundance of our inner wholeness.

This is the work I offer today, guiding others to anchor truth, live in unconditional love, and step fully into the freedom of who they really are.