Debunking the Belief that Women Shouldn’t Speak Their Desires

Some women have been taught by older generations of Dakinis and Tantrikas that “speaking your desires to a man isn’t hot,” or isn’t desirable. This misconception is an extension of the suppression of women. It comes from the belief that women must be obedient to men, and men must know exactly how to please a woman.

This creates limitation and separation between two partners.

Every woman is different, so expecting a man to know exactly what you want and how you want it limits you. Both of you have potential to experience pleasure in a greater way.

Sure, sometimes it can be awkward or challenging to say what you want at first. It might “stop the moment” or feel a little embarrassing to say. But that is the beauty of the process. If we are truly practicing Tantra, it is about accessing the truth in every moment.

If we are not speaking what we truly desire, such as “i want to be touched here” or, “i love it when you touch me like this,” then we’re not being truthful and we are not creating as powerful of a connection as we could. Sharing our Truth creates intimacy and deepens the connection between two people.

A man who is confident in himself will be receptive to your desires, and open to sharing pleasure in the way that you desire to share it. In a moment of speaking your truth or desire, it’s important to notice your heart. Is it contracted? Or is it open to guiding your partner?

If we are holding onto the belief that a man should know what we want, or that they are magically psychic and perfectly know our body and every desire more than you do, this can create built up resistance or resentment towards your partner. So, first, release him of needing to know. Be compassionate in the journey of exploring each other. Even if your partner is an ascended tantric master, there are always more kinks, more fantasies, more pleasures to explore with him that he may not necessarily think of.

It’s up to you, womxn, to speak your desires and take responsibility for your pleasure. Stop being victim to your man’s guessing, and support him in taking the lead by asking for what you want.

Do you want to succumb and be dominated by him? That’s fine too! But in order to support him in understanding what you want, transparency is key. This also creates room for more intimacy, because you are truly letting him in. Into your heart, your mind, and your body.

Saying what you want, when your heart is open to him, will most definitely turn him on.